Sunday, 15 May 2011
My Better Is Better
This is the quote that has had me going tobacco free for the past 6 days.
That's right, I've said goodbye to cigarettes after 17 years. I had mentioned earlier in my blog about the 10k run that I had recently done, if I would continue on with my unhealthy ways. It would appear that I am not. It was Monday May the 9th, 2011 where I had what alcoholics call "a moment of clarity". It was late at night, around 11 or so, and I was was on my stoop with a smoke and beer in hand. I was listening to Raphael Saadiq on the ipod when it hit me. What the fuck am I doing? I looked at the cigarette and asked it again. "What the fuck am I doing?" I have a family, a little boy, and a lovely lady who needs me. I'm wasting countless dollars on a poison that I choose to ingest, only to discard the remnants of it in a stinky can. I looked at it as if that's what I think of my family, that can. So I said that's it!
Now let's rewind my past a little bit to tell you of my failed attempts before. I had tried to make an attempt about 6 years ago. It was the most feeble of attempts because I did not have the capacities to make it work. I was quitting for the wrong reasons. I quit in the morning, and by the end of my 8 hour shift, I had bought a new pack and was sucking them back like they gave me super powers. This was the last attempt for a few years. Now just last September, I was needing to get a new vehicle. My beloved 4Runner was dying, too many problems to fix, and it was time to move forward and get a new one. After some number crunching, I concluded that the only way I could afford a new truck, was to quit smoking. Smokes here in B.C. cost about $8-10 a pack. I was a pack-a-day smoker, you do the math. A friend of mine had told me of a book he read that helped him quit smoking. I was interested, so I went down to Chapters and picked the book up. It's called "Allan Carr's Easy Way To Quit Smoking." This book had been acclaimed by hundreds of people. The funny thing about it is, Allen wants you to keep smoking throughout the book. At the end, that's when you light your last smoke, say some line, and then poof, you're a non-smoker. Well, I chickened out just before that last part and put the book down. When I did find a new truck, and was ready to buy it, I had what I thought was my last smoke. I lasted 4 days. It wasn't even a true 4 days because I had a couple of smokes in between. So now I had huge truck payments and was still smoking.
So back to Monday night. This feeling that I had towards my smoking was unlike anything I have ever felt before. I was bound and determined to do it. With a combination of what Allen Carr had said, to what I needed to do for my family and for my health, I was ready. I feared that when my son was older, that his role model would be someone else, like an athlete or musician. I want to be his role model. I want him to be able to look up to me, and be proud of me. My own father was a chain smoker extraordinaire. He's in his 60's now, with COPD. I don't want to be in that position, looking back having that regret. So, I had 3 beers left and 3 cigarettes. I told myself, 1 smoke for every beer, and when it's gone, then I'll go to bed and wake up a non smoker. I have done it! I'm a non-smoker, and now feel more bound and determined to do this more than I ever. My family deserves it, and so do I. I now plan to exercise regularly, and workout religiously. Because my better is better. It doesn't have to be better than anyone else's better. It just has to be better than my better.
(I know it's from a Nike commercial, but it's a fucking awesome saying.) (I don't actually own any Nike sporting equipment or clothing.) (No, wait, that's a lie. I have a couple Nike golf balls.)